I Concern My Anxiousness! Can I Nonetheless Settle for It and Get Higher?

Good query. However it is a backwards interpretation of the connection between fearing and accepting nervousness, so let’s make clear.

Acceptance isn’t discovering a approach to flip off your worry
Acceptance isn’t determining some methodology for hating your nervousness much less
Acceptance isn’t about creating a brand new state of being or feeling from an emotional or psychological standpoint

Acceptance is an ACTION, not a sense.

Acceptance is a precursor to much less worry, acceptance isn’t the results of much less worry. That is crucial as a result of it retains fairly various folks caught, so let’s discuss it!

What does being caught between fearing and accepting nervousness appear like?

It seems to be an entire lot like this:

“I know I have to accept anxiety to recover, but there is no way I can accept something like this.”
“How am I supposed to accept a thing that I hate so much? I don’t want to accept this. I hate this and want it gone!”
“Accepting something so scary is impossible. I must be missing a step somewhere. I must be doing something wrong.”

In all of those instances, acceptance is being seen as a change in feeling. By some means hating nervousness much less, fearing it much less, or discovering a approach to be ambivalent about it by way of using phrases or ideas. However that’s not what acceptance is. Acceptance isn’t the results of some mindset shift or eureka second the place we instantly come right into a zen state, feeling relaxed, and completely prepared to permit terrifying sensations and ideas to look.

Are you considering that that is what acceptance seems to be like, possibly even just a bit?

Effectively, right here’s the factor. Acceptance is an motion. And never solely is is an motion. It’s an motion that appears far more like screaming, crying and throwing up than is seems to be like some type of advanced peaceable enlightened state the place you’re OK with nervousness, worry, and all of the issues that include them.

Acceptance is an motion. It’s a factor we do, and generally it’s ugly. Acceptance is appearing AS IF you’ve achieved some type of peace together with your nervousness, even if you clearly haven’t.

Acceptance is standing agency for five extra minutes earlier than you run from that panic assault.
Acceptance is resisting the urge to skip that celebration as a result of nervousness tells that you simply gained’t have the ability to deal with that.
Acceptance is getting off the bed after a sleepless night time to do your day though your mind is screaming at you that you simply’re too drained and can due to this fact be far to anxious all day.
Acceptance is doing that scary publicity even if you’re afraid and also you wish to do actually ANYTHING ELSE however that.
Acceptance is admitting to your self that you simply’d reasonably lie about having a headache than meet a pal for lunch for an hour since you is likely to be too anxious.

See the place that is going? I’m not describing a state of being right here. I’m not describing a conclusion you attain after plumbing the depths of your soul for solutions. Im speaking about stuff you do, not stuff you assume or really feel.

So let’s revisit the unique query. “Do I have to lose my fear before I can say that I’m truly accepting anxiety?”

No. That’s not the way it works. If you wish to lose your worry of tension – if you wish to study by way of expertise that you simply don’t must worry it or keep away from it almost as a lot as you’ve gotten been – then you will need to have interaction within the ACT of acceptance first, even when that appears and feeling nothing such as you assume its presupposed to look or really feel. You don’t lose the worry to just accept. You settle for to lose the worry.

Nonetheless confused? How about fascinated by acceptance is non-resistance? This can be a factor I’ve talked about very often in the previous few years. It appears to ring a bell for fairly various folks once I say it, so I’ll throw it on the market for you once more. What when you drop your resistance? THAT is an act of acceptance.

Why would you drop your resistance? Why would you cease preventing? You’re an nervousness warrior, proper? You’ll by no means quit? You’ll win this warfare! In fact you’ll. I do know you’ll. However you gained’t win it by swinging your sword furiously and till you might be exhausted in a valiant effort to smash nervousness or preserve it away from you. I’m guessing you’ve been making an attempt to do this, or looking for a approach to do this, and have failed.

You’ll win this “war” if you act like a pupil as a substitute of a soldier. Dropping resistance – acceptance – isn’t about deciding to be crippled by with nervousness for the remainder of your life. Dropping resistance is about admitting that every one the preventing and operating isn’t serving to, and not less than contemplating the chance that when you permit these anxious experiences you would possibly really study one thing about your capability to tolerate them and navigate by way of them.

Once you have interaction within the act of acceptance you’re taking steps towards seeing nervousness signs and anxious ideas not as attacking monsters however as alternatives to study that insisting that you simply by no means really feel them is pointless and which you could in actual fact allow them to occur with out declaring catastrophe each time.

Don’t run your self ragged looking for a approach to change how you’re feeling so you may settle for and recuperate. Interact in acts of acceptance so you may study that you simply don’t must be so afraid. THEN you’re trying restoration sq. within the face.

LEARNING THAT ITS SAFE TO ALLOW ANXIETY – AND THEN NOT SEEING IT AS A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE THAT MUST BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS – IS A RESULT OF ADOPTING AN ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE, WHICH IS REALLY NON-RESISTANCE.

ACCEPT FIRST. DO ACCEPTANCE. FEEL DIFFERENT LATER.

—

This put up was beforehand revealed on The Anxious Reality.

***

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