Expensive GOD…WTH?

John Pavlovitz Expensive GOD,

I’m undecided the place to start out right here.

Initially, I used to be going to attempt easing into this with some small discuss, however then I noticed with You being GOD n’ all, effectively… that’s in all probability not the perfect thought. So, I’m simply going to come back proper out and ask it: precisely what the hell is occurring right here?

I imply, I don’t know if You’ve been watching these days or not, however issues have gone fully sideways down right here—like jacked-up past phrases or measurement; I imply, a radical and full cosmic clusterf*ck… (Sorry.)

The heaviness is so oppressive proper now, the darkness so thick, and these days hope and light-weight are robust to come back by. Regardless of which course I flip towards, I see people who find themselves hurting and hurting one another and to be sincere, it’s getting the perfect of me. Although I’m placing on the bravest face I’ve and doing the work in addition to I can, I’m afraid I’m shedding my faith.

I’m undecided who to be indignant at proper now: You, me, the American Church, my Conservative Christian neighbors. To let you know the reality, it looks like we’re all dropping the ball right here.

God, shouldn’t issues be higher by now?
Shouldn’t we have now discovered easy methods to reside right here with out killing each other at this level?
Tens of millions of years on the planet and we’re nonetheless incapable of loving via our variations.
Isn’t that what You’re presupposed to be serving to us with?
Isn’t this the purpose of believing in any respect?
If religion isn’t altering us, is it even value having?

It’s been two thousand years since Jesus walked the planet and truthfully, it looks as if a large portion of his followers completely misplaced the plot throughout that point. Once I survey my timeline or peruse the information, a large variety of Christians aren’t simply failing to like their neighbors—they’re harassing, hounding, and eradicating them.

I’ve learn all of the Scriptures, and I do know this system and get together line. I do know I’m supposed to wish with out ceasing and to imagine I can endure all issues and to belief that Your methods are larger than our methods—however critically this planet… and particularly, this nation is a multitude of Biblical proportions. I don’t suppose I’m the one one whose perception is hanging by the thinnest of threads proper now, ready for You to indicate up and do what we will’t appear to do—save us from ourselves.

I can think about how horrible this all sounds, coming from a former pastor and supposed communicator of non secular issues. I’m presupposed to really feel in a different way about all of this, and I’ve been making an attempt like hell to wish my approach via this however I feel I’ve lastly run out of prayers. Or perhaps I’ve began to really feel like I’m simply speaking to myself; like You’re not there in any respect or that You’re there and never serving to. (Frankly, both of those choices is a fairly dreadful proposition.)

The underside line right here, God, is that I’m grieving.

I’m grieving the best way we deal with each other right here. I’m grieving the truth that we have now all the pieces we want—and we’re nonetheless at one another’s throats. I’m grieving how little kindness appears to be conducting, how love is seemingly failing to win. I’m mourning the fixed waste of life and questioning why it needs to be this manner. And, I’m grieving how a lot of my religion looks like it’s slipping via my fingers as I watch all of it taking place.

I’ve realized effectively from the Church easy methods to rationalize away all this horror. I do know the default Sunday Faculty solutions of Sin and the Fall and the Satan, and of all creation groaning because it waits for You to make all the pieces proper—however truthfully these don’t carry me any peace proper now. All of them seem to be Band-Help fixes over a broken-open chest cavity.

Proper now I simply need folks to recollect easy methods to be respectable human beings.
I simply need goodness to win the freakin’ day.
I wish to see a sliver of the attractive world and the considerable life I’ve been informed It’s a must to provide, one I’ve spent years promising others if they only imagine.
I wish to imagine that religion makes a distinction, however as I go searching I’m ashamed to say that proper now I’m simply undecided anymore.

So yeah, it is a fairly awful prayer however it’s all I’ve proper now. The nice factor is that if You’re God, then I do know you possibly can deal with my doubts and questions and existential disaster. They are saying You fed 1000’s of individuals with a couple of loaves of bread and a few fish, so perhaps You’ll do one thing miraculous with these meager phrases, if not in me then in another person.

Perhaps with the smallest mustard seed of religion nonetheless left in me You’ll trigger one thing redemptive to develop.

And as one other struggling father within the Scriptures paradoxically prayed:

“I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief.”

Amen.

Beforehand Printed on johnpavlovitz.com

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The submit Expensive GOD…WTH? appeared first on The Good Males Mission.

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