My Son Is Afraid to Depart His Room After I Play Shaggy’s Music and Begin Cleansing and Dancing

It’s the empty days after Christmas and New Yr’s Day, and I’m OVER IT.

Not the spirit of Christmas. Or the hope of a brand new yr.

The decorations.

The muddle.

The deserted wrapping.

The cookies below the footstool. Don’t ask.

Okay, ask.

I imbibed liberally on Christmas Eve, surrounded by my son, my sister, three cats, and the dearest, sweetest, most good-looking commonplace poodle on the earth. I dare you to discover a higher canine than our Cody.

Nevertheless, this story isn’t about him, except it’s to level out that, not like each canine I’ve identified, he did NOT instantly soar on the cookies and suck them down, when, whereas balancing the plate being handed to me, I let it slip and dumped cookies on the ground.

In Cody’s protection, he’s frightened of the cats, who have been draped in feigned nonchalance round and on me, ready for him to dare to come back near me or my spilled cookies.

Cody hiding from the cats. Picture by creator

Since my grown son and sister have been additionally imbibing, whereas glued to a film, they didn’t discover the slip, nor my sneaky save of the plate and scooping up of as many cookies as I may attain below my chair.

I ate many of the cookies anyway. To spare my household the germs.

Regardless of my Christmas Eve slovenliness and disrespect for germs, I turned energized at present to Clear — with a capital C.

I commanded Alexa to play Shaggy, and commenced cleansing, straightening, placing away, and scooping up the cookie items I missed 4 days in the past.

And sure, I used to be tempted to eat the cookie items after discovering them below my footstool. To my credit score, I didn’t. However the battle was actual.

It might sound like I’m digressing, however items of cookies left for days below my footstool are a part of the inspiration for my sudden reggae-infused cleansing spree.

Why is my son afraid to come back out once I begin cleansing and dancing to reggae music? Most likely childhood trauma.

He’s realized that if I’m in full Virgo cleansing mode, any human who comes into my view will probably be put to work.

Since I’m a single mother, that particular person has at all times been him. Ever since he was sufficiently old to carry a brush or toddle to the toy field to place his toys away, I’ve put him to work once I clear.

Now that he’s grown, I latch onto him whereas cleansing, particularly after holidays, as a result of he’s tall. And I’m not.

I’m, in reality, fairly brief. I’m 5 foot 2 inches, and he’s 6 foot 5 inches. Earlier than you ask, sure, I did carry and beginning him, and sure, his father is tall.

And whereas his father is a neat freak, he has not been in our lives in any significant manner. As in he by no means lived with us.

Which implies it was solely my son and I doing all of the housekeeping.

As soon as, he requested me why he needed to clear or do chores. I advised him,

“Because you live here. When you pay the mortgage, you can hire someone to clean.”

Which is precisely what he did when he grew up.

For now, although, he’s staying with me. And, to be clear, he does all of the grown-up issues. Cooking, cleansing, cat litter responsibility. Plus breaking down packing containers for recycling — as a result of I hate doing that — and different adulty issues.

So it’s not that he doesn’t need to do it in any respect. He simply doesn’t need to do it whereas I’m in full-blown Virgo, OMG every little thing is soiled or misplaced or have to be gotten rid of this immediate mode. Whereas dancing to Shaggy.

He is aware of what meaning. He would be the one placing away all of the decorations that are saved within the highest cupboards and on the highest cabinets of closets. Which is all of the decorations.

As a result of he’s tall.

He would be the one advised to do away with the issues I deem pointless, and in want of donating or tossing this immediate. As a result of he’s sturdy.

He would be the one shifting all of the heavy furnishings I can’t transfer on my own. Or that I shouldn’t transfer on my own, however which he is aware of I’ll actually attempt if he doesn’t come out of his room — so as to guilt him into popping out of his room.

As a result of he’s sturdy.

So he often stays hidden.

This time, nevertheless, he got here out earlier than realizing what was occurring, and rapidly ducked again into his room.

Too late.

I’d noticed him, and texted him to come back out. “I know you’re in there. I can hear you breathing. Plus, I saw you.”

He texted again, Shaggy fashion,

“It wasn’t me.”

“But your cat saw you, too. That’s why she’s crying at your door.”

“It wasn’t me.”

“I even caught you on camera.”

“It wasn’t me.”

So I pull out my final cease.

I crank up Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” and start shifting the largest, heaviest piece of furnishings.

—

This put up was beforehand printed on MEDIUM.COM.

***

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