Rage on the Web page

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”

Hermann Hesse

John McCaffrey e1554296573325 Seamus McDonagh is an efficient man. And a very good storyteller. He has timing, wit, a lightweight Irish brogue giving music to his phrases, and a hard-gained knowledge that lands as powerfully as a shot from a heavyweight boxer. Which he as soon as was – a cruiserweight who went up at school to face Evander Holyfield, difficult the legendary champion for his title. This second in his life, and different distinctive and intriguing experiences, triumphant and tragic, give substance to his soliloquies. In sum, Seamus is an fascinating pay attention, and at any time when I converse with him, which occurred not too long ago, the take-away is emotionally helpful and intellectually far-reaching; which means, I all the time be taught one thing I need to be taught extra about. On this case, mockingly, it entails writing.

Seamus didn’t need to be a boxer. However he was pushed into the game at age ten by his father, who was additionally a fighter. Seamus figured: “If I had to box, I might as well become good at it – at least good enough to not get hurt too badly.” The technique labored. By age 27, he had a report of 19-1, with 14 wins by knockout. And when a much-hyped bout between Holyfield and Mike Tyson was abruptly scuttled, Seamus, like an actual life Rocky, was provided the possibility of a lifetime.

It was June 1, 1990, when Seamus squared off towards Holyfield. The occasion was held in Atlantic Metropolis. There was a giant crowd, together with many followers from Eire, the birthplace of his mom and father, and the place he had spent a few years as a youth. Ranked ninth on this planet, Seamus was a transparent underdog. However he gave it his all for 4 rounds, shedding on a controversial technical stoppage (video replay exhibits Seamus was on his ft earlier than the depend of eight, and thus the referee mustn’t have ended the battle).

No pun meant, it was a troublesome blow to Seamus. He had sacrificed a lot to get into the very best form attainable for Holyfield, together with abstaining from alcohol, which had turn out to be by that point a manner for him to deal with shyness and low shallowness. However regardless of his disappointment, he pulled himself collectively to organize for his subsequent battle. Sadly, his handlers determined it finest for him to interact in an especially lengthy and grueling coaching schedule. Not having the arrogance to talk up towards the routine, despite the fact that he sensed it was not the suitable method, he entered the ring with sore and drained muscle mass. In consequence, he suffered one other defeat, and worse, a horrible bodily beating. To field once more meant risking everlasting damage. Thus, Seamus retired.

Whereas change is rarely simple, letting go may be even tougher. For Seamus, whose self-worth and livelihood linked to boxing, leaving the game behind in such an abrupt vogue was disastrous to his psychological well being. Akin to a careening prepare slamming right into a brick wall, his previous met his current with a thunderous crash. He emerged from the wreckage scared, confused, and traumatized. Years later, he would connect a analysis to his emotional state – Skilled Athlete Syndrome (PAS).

Whereas the commonest signs of PAS (melancholy, anxiousness and lack of identification ) can have an effect on folks from all walks of life after they depart a long-held occupation, they’re most prevalent in high-profile athletes. In accordance with an article put out by Kindbridge Behavioral Well being: “There are few careers comparable to those pertaining to elite athletics. It can be an exciting and rewarding vocation, but the expression ‘The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long’ aptly describes how it ends for many involved. Some are able to transition into life’s second act without a hitch, but others struggle with the departure from competition, fandom, and other activities that kept dopamine firing in a rapid succession. Compromised mental health ensues for a significant number of the latter, with research finding that depression rates in former athletes are as high as 39%. More concerning, is that related suicide rates are 2–4 times higher for former male athletes than the general male population.”

Seamus skilled all of this and extra as soon as his profession ended. “My purpose was gone, and I wanted to be gone,” he stated. “I sat up in the bed for days after that last bout, thinking: ‘If I don’t have to fight anymore, I don’t have to quit drinking anymore. I can drink all the time.’ But I discovered that alcohol no longer anesthetized my fears; I’d lost my solution. Then I really wanted to end my life. I drank more and faster until someone gave me a drug. I’d never tried drugs before. I think I got hooked the first time I did it.”

The following few years for Seamus have been outlined by extra downs than ups. He was out and in of rehab, squandered away his cash, couldn’t maintain a job, misplaced relationships, and was suicidal. However the fighter’s spirit remained, a survivor’s spark maintaining him off the proverbial “mat” for good. Maybe, the resolve to carry on got here from his mom, now deceased (his father continues to be alive at age 90), a girl he credit with being sturdy and ultra-loving. However to turn out to be sober, and to maintain sober, he attributes to the 12 steps. He shared this seminal second after they turned a precedence in his life:

“Twenty-nine years ago, a person sat with me in a restaurant and with pen and paper showed me how to do the 12 steps. Since then, I’ve done the steps every day. It starts each morning. The first thing I do is check in with my self. If I don’t feel well, it usually means I’m holding on to resentment – the idea I’ve been mistreated, wronged or disrespected in some way. I then open a notebook and do my best to describe the resentment in writing. Next, I work to identify what is fueling the feelings – my fears, which are always the root of resentment. Once I have uncovered the underlying fears, I am able to let them go, and with it the resentment, all the anger, upset and disappointment that comes with it. I call it leaving the ‘Rage on the Page’. It’s a very relaxing and releasing experience. When I write my mind slows, I become more focused, and I’m able to bring up from my subconscious, and remove, self-destructive thoughts.”

Because of this observe, Seamus has not solely maintained his sobriety for 29 years, however in doing so has turn out to be a task mannequin, and a stalwart supporter, to others battling alcoholism. He’s now an individual outlined by inventive motion and constructive function, somebody who has acted on stage and in movies, who has constructed a profitable enterprise, who has turn out to be a loving father, and a cherished pal to many.

Jason Kurtz, a number one psychoanalyst in New York Metropolis, and creator of the memoir Comply with The Pleasure, additionally believes writing may be an efficient manner for folks to uncover painful feelings that may, for instance, function the supply of their substance abuse. He states: “We cannot change reality if we are not willing or able to face it. Alcohol and drugs suppress our feelings, making it harder to discern what is truly bothering us, while writing brings those feelings to the surface, where they can be faced. Not only does facing our fears make them less scary, and less painful, but only then will we begin to truly understand what we can do to make things better.”

Penning this story about Seamus has made me extra inquisitive about my very own story; particularly, the tales I write. Maybe, one of many causes I take up fiction is as a result of it permits me to face my fears and accompanying resentments, to convey them up and out by way of my characters and plots, so I can allow them to go. It’s a profound factor for me to think about. And maybe I would like extra time to return to a definitive conclusion. There’s just one approach to know for positive: preserve writing.

—

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The publish Rage on the Web page appeared first on The Good Males Mission.

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