Residing With Intention

Recently, I’ve been making an attempt to do all the things with intention.

I at all times thought I used to be.

However not too long ago, I realised how simply my overthinking mind steals moments.

Like in spin class, meant to be absolutely current, transferring with the music, the push of adrenaline. And… I’m current more often than not, but typically, as an alternative of being there, I’m planning my day, occupied with lunch, or replaying an outdated dialog, rewriting it in my head.

I’ve at all times been intentional about gratitude… on my morning walks…

I acknowledge what I’ve, what I’m grateful for. However currently, I’ve puzzled… am I truly letting myself really feel it within the current? Or am I simply checking a field of issues I do know I’m grateful for whereas my thoughts races to the following factor?

Issues like telephone calls, texts, and voice notes with buddies or household are built-in into my life weekly, even every day. For instance, I like calling my grandmother each week. It makes me blissful, and it makes her blissful.

And I do know I’m current within the sense that I do it as a result of I like the individual, and I like the communication.

However currently, it has made me assume: am I listening, speaking, calling with full intention, and being current with each phrase, or is it as a result of it has now develop into a routine or obligation?

The identical with my celery juice each morning. I’m grateful I can. However am I permitting myself to deliberately benefit from the two minutes of constructing it, sipping it? Or is it one other automated behavior?

Even the best way I manifest. I’ve at all times believed in it, visualising the issues I deserve, the life I need. However has that additionally develop into a behavior? A thought loop on repeat with out truly feeling it the best way I used to with the intention, which is what makes it highly effective.

I went to a play this week. Earlier than I went, I utilized my new purpose of being current with intention and dedicated to being current 100%. As a result of I realised one thing about myself when my nervousness bought unhealthy after a yr of panic assaults, I developed a approach to self-soothe: worst case, I can depart. I don’t have to remain. I’ve the selection to depart.

And 99% of the time, I by no means depart the place I am going to, whether or not theatre or elsewhere. However nonetheless, that thought lingers.

When I’m truly there, half of me is current and having fun with it, and half of me begins to ask:

Are we staying? Are we good?

As a substitute of absolutely committing, I’m additionally checking in with myself. I do know I nonetheless get pleasure from it and love the expertise, don’t get me flawed, however am I deliberately 100% there or simply being current sufficient to get pleasure from what I like?

I feel I’ve been residing most of my life in fight-or-flight mode. And I don’t assume I’m alone in that. Anxiousness is so excessive in our technology as a result of we by no means cease. Our minds are at all times some place else… previously/future, planning, analysing…

I’m a extremely delicate empath and an over-thinker. I realised that it is a reward… lovely, perhaps, however exhausting.

However can’t we decelerate, even in life’s chaos? Can’t we catch ourselves when our minds drift, discover it, and produce ourselves again? As a result of intention requires dedication.

Like once we’re speeding in a taxi, working late to fulfill a buddy… it occurred to me final evening. Usually, I’d be texting, voice-noting, stressing about being late, answering work emails. However yesterday, I ended. I observed the music on the radio, a tune I liked and hadn’t heard in ages. I regarded out the window and realised we have been taking a special route. For a second, I nervous I had put the flawed handle, however I hadn’t… I Shazamed three songs I forgot existed that, due to being deliberately current final evening, I listened to on repeat immediately. All as a result of I selected to remain in that second. Totally appreciating that taxi trip and all it dropped at me…

This morning, I helped an aged girl get to her artwork class. Usually, I’d current, after all, however behind my thoughts, I’d even be planning the following two days of my life. It’s a survival mechanism: I really feel like I must occupy that area in my thoughts whereas I’m bodily doing one thing else to avoid wasting myself from stress later, but it simply provides extra stress to the current…

Immediately, earlier than I arrived to select her up, I set an intention to be absolutely current together with her throughout our stroll. And I used to be. You recognize what? Despite the fact that it was like some other time on the skin, it felt fully totally different to me… lighter, extra significant, and extra intentional.

I do know I gained’t at all times get this proper; we’re solely human. Some days, my thoughts will win, and a few moments, I gained’t be as current as I’d prefer to be.

However even then, I wish to enable it deliberately, to be type to myself as an alternative of spiralling about the truth that I’m spiralling. (this occurs loads )

The understanding we anticipate from others when we’re not feeling 100% is similar understanding we have to deliberately give ourselves.

As a result of issues really feel lighter and higher once they’re acknowledged… once we cease preventing ourselves and simply enable issues to be what they’re.

My purpose is straightforward:

To be current.

To do all the things with intention, even when my thoughts wanders.

And to be okay once I don’t get it proper every time.

Life feels so significantly better once we deliberately let ourselves dwell it… second by second.

—

This submit was beforehand printed on MEDIUM.COM.

***

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