The “Are we exclusive?” speak is the connection equal of defusing a bomb whereas blindfolded. It’s that one dialog no one actually desires to have, however in some unspecified time in the future, somebody (normally the one who’s already deleted their courting apps) asks:
“Soooo… what are we?”
And similar to that, you’ve entered the awkward vortex of relationship limbo, the place one mistaken sentence might both solidify your love story or have you ever all of a sudden “taking a break” (that you simply weren’t conscious you had been on).
Why is that this dialog so tough? As a result of no one ever appears to be on the identical web page. One individual is pondering “So…when do we get married?” whereas the opposite is mentally drafting a textual content that begins with “I’m just not looking for anything serious right now…”
So, let’s break down the numerous methods this dialog goes hilariously mistaken.
…
1. The “We’re Totally On Different Pages” Scenario
That is when one individual thinks they’re already virtually engaged, whereas the opposite remains to be introducing them as “my friend… uh, what’s-your-name-again?”
Instance:
You: “I mean, obviously we’re exclusive.”
Them: “Oh wow, um… that’s crazy, I actually just matched with someone on Hinge this morning.”
Cue: your soul leaving your physique.
That is the second you notice you’ve been starring in two utterly totally different motion pictures. You thought you had been in The Pocket book, however apparently, they’re in The right way to Lose a Companion in 10 Textual content Messages.
…
2. The Non-Reply Reply
Typically, individuals will pull an emotional ninja transfer and dodge the query fully.
You: “So… are we exclusive?”
Them: “Define exclusive.”
You: “Uhhh… Not seeing other people?”
Them: “Define ‘other people.’”
You: “…PEOPLE WHO AREN’T ME.”
That is the conversational equal of attempting to nail Jell-O to a wall. It’s additionally an indication that this individual would moderately battle a bear than decide to brunch plans two weeks upfront.
…
3. The Unintended Breakup
You had been simply attempting to get some readability, however by some means, the dialog spirals into an surprising breakup.
You: “So… are we exclusive?”
Them: “…I think we should see other people.”
You: “Wait, what? I didn’t say I wanted that.”
Them: “Oh, I just assumed that’s where this was going.”
You: “IT WASN’T.”
Now you’re all of a sudden single once more, despite the fact that all you needed was a cute Instagram comfortable launch of your relationship. How did we get right here?
…
4. The “I Thought We Already Were” Second
This occurs when one individual is shocked that this dialog is even occurring.
You: “Sooo, are we exclusive?”
Them: “…Wait, YOU’RE seeing other people??”
You: “Uh, I thought we were casual?”
Them: “Oh my god, I told my MOM about you.”
And similar to that, somebody’s complete notion of actuality shatters. There’s crying. There’s existential reflection. There’s a robust urge to textual content their mother and say, “Please disregard all boyfriend/girlfriend announcements. My bad.”
…
5. The Loophole Participant
This individual technically doesn’t lie, however they reply in a method that sounds good whereas leaving a large escape hatch.
You: “So, are we exclusive?”
Them: “I mean… I haven’t gone on a date in weeks.”
You: “That sounds promising!”
Them (internally): “Because I’ve been too lazy, not because I’m committed.”
These are the grasp manipulators of imprecise relationship phrases. You need to hit them with specifics, like a lawyer grilling a witness.
You: “Are you currently dating, texting, flirting with, or romantically interested in anyone else?”
Them: “Uh… Can I get back to you on that?”
No, no you can not.
…
6. The “I Don’t Believe in Labels” Escape Artist
Ah sure, the thinker of recent courting.
You: “So… where do you see this going?”
Them: “I just feel like labels are so restrictive, you know? Why can’t we just exist in the moment?”
Translation: “I want to keep my options open while making sure you don’t.”
That is normally adopted by some deep (learn: nonsense) clarification about how love is a free-flowing power and that titles solely exist to serve capitalism (??).
Good strive, Socrates. I simply requested if I’m your girlfriend, not for an 18-minute TED Discuss on emotional independence.
…
7. The Panic-Induced Confession
Typically, this dialog goes so sideways that the individual panics and blurts out one thing completely surprising.
You: “Are we exclusive?”
Them: “OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU.”
You: “…Wait, what?”
Them: “I MEANT TO SAY I LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU.”
You: “Did you just accidentally say ‘I love you’ while trying to avoid a relationship?”
And now the dynamic has shifted endlessly.
At this level, they may both suggest inside six months or disappear like a ghost with no forwarding deal with.
…
So, How Do You Survive The “Are We Exclusive?” Discuss?
Choose a impartial, low-stress setting. Don’t do that throughout a marriage, whereas caught in site visitors, or 5 minutes earlier than a flight.
Be ready for nonsense responses. If they begin a sentence with “Well, technically…” — simply stroll away.
Ask direct questions. Not “What are we?” however “Are you seeing other people, yes or no?”
In the event that they dodge, that’s your reply. A transparent, enthusiastic “Yes, I want to be exclusive with you” is the one appropriate reply.
If all else fails, set the connection standing through Venmo. Nothing says dedication like a $5 cost captioned “Exclusivity Deposit.”
Remaining Ideas: The Common Fact About This Discuss
Regardless of the way you strategy it, the “Are we exclusive?” speak will all the time be awkward.
But when somebody wants a 3,000-word dissertation on why they’ll’t commit, the reply isn’t “maybe.” It’s “Run.”
Now go forth, ask the query, and should the rom-com gods be ever in your favor.
—
This put up was beforehand printed on medium.com.
***
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—–
Photograph credit score: Kenny Eliason on Unsplash
The put up The “Are We Exclusive?” Discuss appeared first on The Good Males Venture.
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