Why Are We Afraid of Eye Contact?

Final weekend, I met a man on the bar. And I couldn’t cease gazing his eyes. His eyes had depth, presence and depth that drew me in.

And it was disarming.

Lovely.

But in addition terrifying.

I caught myself smiling, nervously. Wanting away. Then again. Then away once more.

However beneath the flirtation was disgrace. Disgrace for a way uncovered I felt underneath the gentle weight of somebody’s undivided consideration.

As I considered that evening later, I questioned:

Why are we so afraid of eye contact?

Why is it simpler to reveal our our bodies than our gaze?

We speak about intimacy prefer it begins with our bodies. However most of it occurs within the eyes.

Eye contact is essentially the most historical type of connection we possess. Contact will be strategic. We will kiss folks with out them. Phrases will be curated.

However your gaze?
It’s trustworthy.

Eyes replicate every part — reality, vulnerability, unhappiness, love, concern. Eyes don’t lie simply. And that’s exactly why they’re terrifying.

It’s the one factor you possibly can’t faux.

And in a world stuffed with distractions, filters, deflections, being seen in real-time appears like publicity.

Eye contact is emotionally confrontational. It calls for that we face ourselves by means of another person’s reflection. Carl Jung implied that assembly oneself is without doubt one of the most disagreeable experiences. Eye contact forces precisely this uncomfortable encounter.

When somebody seems to be you within the eye, it collapses the gap. And in the event you’re not used to being seen with out your masks on, it appears like panic.

Such as you’re standing bare however totally clothed.

Eye contact undoes you.

In our fashionable world, we’ve mastered the artwork of emotional armour. Telephones present an escape hatch.

Each time we really feel the discomfort of intimacy rising, we break the spell by wanting down, disengaging emotionally. You possibly can edit textual content messages. You possibly can filter the images, however eyes?

Eyes betray us. They secretly reveal truths we haven’t even admitted to ourselves. When somebody seems to be at you, not previous you, however into you, it awakens one thing.

I’m not speaking about romance.

Generally it awakens your concern of being seen. Your buried self-doubt. As a result of in that stillness, with no escape, you’re compelled to be precisely who you might be.

No efficiency.

No distraction.

However presence.

And presence is intimacy. And intimacy is terrifying.

We’re afraid of being seen and never being sufficient.

Perhaps that’s why we fidget. We glance away mid-sentence. We fake to test our telephones or sip our drinks when it will get too quiet.

Think about what this behavior is doing to us, psychologically and spiritually. Each time we glance away, we reinforce a sample of emotional avoidance. We situation ourselves to favor shallow consolation over profound connection.

As a result of a gentle gaze asks: “Can you handle being seen without hiding?” And for many people, the reply — if we’re trustworthy — isn’t any.

A few of us grew up in houses the place eye contact meant confrontation or disgrace. A few of us discovered to outlive by decreasing our gaze.

We grew to become masters of turning away earlier than somebody might discover an excessive amount of.

Eye contact strips us of our rigorously curated masks.

Once we maintain somebody’s gaze, our partitions start to crumble. We change into seen in a world that’s gotten used to wanting away. And being seen feels harmful. It exposes us to rejection, misunderstanding, and judgment. It asks us to confront how we really feel, and who we’re, with out the protecting masks.

The individuals who can maintain your gaze are those who aren’t afraid of your reality.

They’re not simply fascinated with your story. They’re fascinated with you.

And while you meet somebody like that — even when it’s simply by a bar on a Saturday evening — one thing in you awakens.

The a part of you that also believes the connection isn’t about perfection.

However about presence.

That evening on the bar, after I appeared into his eyes, I felt two issues without delay:
drawn in… and able to run.

I wasn’t shook as a result of he checked out me, however that he didn’t look away.
The gaze stayed. And one thing in me didn’t know what to do with that.

I didn’t know the way to benefit from the second with out already making ready for the goodbye.

However perhaps the discomfort isn’t an indication to run. Maybe it’s an indication that the second is actual. And actual is uncommon.

As a result of in a world stuffed with distractions, to look somebody within the eyes and to be appeared on the similar method in return is a sort of intimacy we don’t discuss sufficient about.

Generally, a single second of eye contact says every part you’re too afraid to say out loud.

Subsequent time somebody seems to be into your eyes and sees all of you, don’t look away.

Maintain the gaze somewhat longer. Let the discomfort wash over you. Discover what emotions rise to the floor. Breathe by means of it.

Perhaps you’ll really feel vulnerability. Maybe concern, disgrace or pleasure.

However you’ll additionally really feel one thing else: connection. Actual, genuine, human connection.

We concern eye contact as a result of we concern our true selves. However what if that’s precisely the medication we’d like? What if the way in which again to ourselves, again to one another, is thru the quiet bravery of holding one another’s gaze?

And in a world the place so many individuals are solely half-present, eye contact is revolutionary.

Let’s not look away this time.

Let’s keep up a correspondence!

For extra articles like this, don’t overlook to SUBSCRIBE. Get all the newest updates and insights delivered proper to your inbox.

As a result of who is aware of what messages you’ll obtain subsequent?

Your assist means a fantastic deal to me. If you need to gas my creativity with espresso, purchase me a espresso and share your ideas.

—

This submit was beforehand revealed on medium.com.

***

Does courting ever really feel difficult, awkward or irritating?

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Photograph credit score: Gabriel Silvério on Unsplash

The submit Why Are We Afraid of Eye Contact? appeared first on The Good Males Undertaking.

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